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Tag Archives: life goals



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Team Schmitt

Today when I was googling myself (shut up, like you don’t do it) I came across this picture.

I’ve always liked this photo  and today I figured out why:

1) That’s an awesome bikini and it mysteriously disappeared, not sure how this seems to happen all the time with clothes I love.

2) THIS IS THE CLOSEST I WILL EVER GET TO PLAYING A TEAM SPORT. Look at us, lifting our beers and drinking in unison, we are really aggressively and successfully achieving what we set out to do here – as a TEAM.

Lately, I have been thinking about all the things I thought I would do in my life but haven’t, and probably won’t – ie. live in the jungle and study monkeys, invent healthy cigarettes that are infused with vitamins/calcium, get my arms covered in tatoo sleeves but never have my parents find out,  get invited backstage at a concert and make the bass guitarist (lead singers too needy) fall hopelessly in love with me by NOT sleeping with him. It’s all very depressing really.

Anyways, I never played a team sport. Technically I was on some teams, but I wouldn’t say I actually contributed anything beyond very cute sneakers and a poor attitude. And now, I probably never will play a team sport. And that’s ok, I can accept that. Team sports make me a little nauseous.

But being in my late 20s and not having adopted three adorable half black/half asian babies?

REALLY feel like my life might be passing me by/Angelina Jolie maybe stole my destiny.


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I would do unspeakable things to get my hands on one of these.

Things I WILL admit to doing, without qualm,  in exchange for a micro pig:

1) administer euthanasia

2) smash a child’s jack-o-lantern

3) watch a movie featuring dinosaurs and/or outer space

4) read Bill O’Reilly’s biography

5) steal your pet and trade it

6) wear crocs

Yallz, I’m serious. I WANT a mini pig. If my denial addled bf thinks he is not coming home to one of these little treasures in the near future, he is DELUSIONAL.


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