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Category Archives: Self Pity

Team Schmitt

Today when I was googling myself (shut up, like you don’t do it) I came across this picture.

I’ve always liked this photo  and today I figured out why:

1) That’s an awesome bikini and it mysteriously disappeared, not sure how this seems to happen all the time with clothes I love.

2) THIS IS THE CLOSEST I WILL EVER GET TO PLAYING A TEAM SPORT. Look at us, lifting our beers and drinking in unison, we are really aggressively and successfully achieving what we set out to do here – as a TEAM.

Lately, I have been thinking about all the things I thought I would do in my life but haven’t, and probably won’t – ie. live in the jungle and study monkeys, invent healthy cigarettes that are infused with vitamins/calcium, get my arms covered in tatoo sleeves but never have my parents find out,  get invited backstage at a concert and make the bass guitarist (lead singers too needy) fall hopelessly in love with me by NOT sleeping with him. It’s all very depressing really.

Anyways, I never played a team sport. Technically I was on some teams, but I wouldn’t say I actually contributed anything beyond very cute sneakers and a poor attitude. And now, I probably never will play a team sport. And that’s ok, I can accept that. Team sports make me a little nauseous.

But being in my late 20s and not having adopted three adorable half black/half asian babies?

REALLY feel like my life might be passing me by/Angelina Jolie maybe stole my destiny.



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I’m too sad to write because I had to get my tooth pulled and now I have a hole in my head, and consequently, my pocket.


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Uh, six thousand gs?

That’s half a (high class) boob job.

h8 you dental care.



Just a little flashback to what Mardi Gras USED to be like when Fuller and Karen didn’t abandon me for exotic vacays.

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I couldn’t show my face without them.  One lone bee? That’s ridiculous.


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